Err..

Aerobics - Disorientation maxed out

Work - Slack.. slackening.. slackening more

Home Front - Chaos personified

Relationship - Disillusionment..

Friends - Sanity upkeepers

Blogging - Canvas for venting

Blogger Comments - Reassurance.

Me - No Clue!

The road to fitness.. ain't a bed of roses!

Aerobics is definetly not as easy as it looks! Its tough man! I realized I have zero co-ordination between my hands and legs. If my legs go right, my hands say left and refuse to listen.. I look like a retard who is trying so hard to not to look like one! Finally when we were through after what seemed to look like a 5 hour workout.. my instructor says 5 mins break guys.. I am like WTF?? its not over..? Looked at the clock and realized that just 30 mins had gone by! ZOink!!!

After a point, I was so lost.. I started laughing at myself.. only to hear my instructor yell "Cmon newcomers (ME) be serious!" I think it was at that point that I confirmed to the rest of my class that I was a retard. L.H.S = R.H.S

After the endless class, I couldn't feel my hands.. or legs.. I felt like jelly.

Just to make me feel the opposite, the next day I felt like I had a 5 kg stone inserted into my calf muscles and 10 kg stones into my insignificant biceps. Still cant raise my hands above my shoulder! I can't wear a t-shirt! Its painful I say!

Even after all this, I went for class today.. I am brave .. salute me.. all of u!

..p..

New Addition to Girly Crap

Adding on to my woes is a new allergy. Realized I have eruptions on my face too.. which means more good news to me! I have to wear a stupid jacket to protect my arms.. put stupid sunscreen and top it all wear a stole too to cover my mouth and to avoid the allergy from spreading! I look like a terrorist.. really.. A terrorist with a serious lack of fashion sense and color co-ordination!Plus I carry a backpack.. which looks like an ideal place to hide the bomb.

So.. If I am not blogging for a while.. do understand that I have been arrested and bail me out!

..p..

P.S - I am NOT a terrorist! I am just a poor girl with too many issues :-(

Weddings and Friends!

Weddings are so 'IN' right now! Everyone is getting married.. My neighbour, my friends, my cousins, my young aunts, young uncles, old cousin's young children, acquaintances, dogs, cats, mice,ants, lady bugs.. all of 'em I say! But that's not the point..

Yesterday, me and a bunch of my friends (M,J,D and me) went for S's wedding. All were my buddies from undergraduation. As usual.. we did our foolish things, laughed like pigs, acted stupid and giggled over our goof-ups.

We reached the hall at 9:30 hungry as hell.
Me: I am hungry
M: They must be serving breakfast
Me: I guess they should. Let's find out.
Me (to some arbit juice guy): Sappadu enge serve panraange? (Where are they serving food)
Arbit Juice Guy: mfftuuuppwwsdf
Me: What?
Arbit Juice Guy: mfftuuuppwwsdf
Me: Oh! seri seri (Ok ok)
M: What did he say?
Me: No clue

D arrives.
Me and M: Go ask Arbit juice guy about the food
D: I just came!
Me: You want food or not?
D: Well yeah..
M: Then go ask!
D: Ok Ok.. Arbit Juice guy... When breakfast?
Arbit Juice Guy: No breakfast.
Me,M and D: :(

J arrives.
Me: Ask arbit juice guy when they serve lunch.
S: I just came! Why cant you ask?
Me: Bcoz I already asked him about breakfast and I cant understand what he says.
S: Why cant M ask??
M: ok ok! I will ask!
M to arbit juice guy: When lunch?
Arbit juice guy: *stupid glutton girls* In ten mins
M to us: *jubiliant* In 10 mins lunch will be served
All of us: yay!

The second 10 mins was up, we hurried to the dining hall. We were the first ones there. Felt like total PAKKIS. Hogged till the caterer forced D to wrap up as the next lot was waiting to eat.

We were in quite a hurry to leave because we had nothing to do. As the bride and groom were taking their three sacred rounds around the holy fire, we managed to thrust the gift into the bride's hand as she was yelled at by the priest for stopping during the 'sacred' round.

As we were leaving, a guy walked up to me, shook my hands and said, "Hi.. You remember me?" As usual I am clueless. Finally I came to know that he was my junior during post graduation. After a long talk during which D,J and M were laughing hysterically, I managed to leave and asked those idiots why they were laughing so much.

D: That guy was your junior from college?
Me: Yeah..
D: Well.. he managed to recognize you.. But not J who was also your classmate in P.G
All of us: Hahahhahahaha :D
J: That could be because I was turning the other way, maybe he didnt see my face..
All of us: Hahhahahaha :D You wish...

Attending weddings with my friends is so much more fun. Our incentives are boys and food. All we do is sit and pass comments and make complete fools of our ourselves one way or the other :-)

..p..

Two sides of the coin

Yesterday, I was talking to a colleague of mine.. and casually opened the draw at his desk to find lip balm and Garnier 'fairness' facewash! Looks like the guys have resorted to creams as well :-) Next time I might find sunscreen and mascara ...

P.S - I dont want protests from boys saying "What's wrong with 'fairness' facewash?" and all that crap.. Next thing you'll say is "What's wrong with facials?? We need to look pretty.. err handsome too". Then I might be forced to classify such guys under a category.. - 'Gurly boys'

Girly Crap

You know.. its tough being a girl. I truly think that's an understatement by itself. I am not gonna go into sentimental bullshit.. rather I'll stick to more of the external appearance part of it. Probably delve a bit deeper into that part. Sigh.. the things we have to do to look the way we do.. however good/bad that maybe!

Waxing
How does it feel to have hot wax on your skin and have it pulled off a second later?? Not good boys.. not good at all. I wish I had my mom's genes in terms of hair growth instead of my dad's. God played a cruel joke on me.. Dont laugh at me up there!

Threading
If waxing is excruciating pain in the fast forward mode, threading is excruciating pain in slow motion. There.. that explains it.

Facial
Unlike many traveling in a/c cars.. zero exposure to sunlight people, I am not lucky. Plus I tan easily.. (this is an extension to god's cruel joke) Therefore, arises the need to do facials. This is where my mom steps in.
Mom: "I read that its good to apply ground potato on ur face"
Me: "Oh! So?? "
Mom: "So I've ground some and kept for you to apply on your face.. *Splat!!* Now keep that on for 30 mins"
Me: "Mom! It itches!!!"
Mom: "Bear with it and dont do so much drama"
Me: *Scratch Scratch*

1 day later
Mom: "X Aunty told me that cream of milk is good for your skin.. "
Me: *Showing my face*
Mom: *Splat!*
Me: "Gooey Shit!"

2 days later
*Splat!*

3 days later
*Splat!*

Splatty splatty splat!!!!!!!!!

Pedicures
Flash news: I have ugly feet.. need to get them 'cleaned' at the parlour. Atleast this is a pleasurable process.. so no problem. :-)

Nailpolish
Something I have to do to make my self look girly. Not only is the damn thing hard to apply.. it chips off in 2 days and I have to use colors to make myself look girly in different ways!

Hair care
God has blessed me with not so nice hair too. Everytime there's a stupid function I've got to sit in the parlour and let them fix my hair. 45 mins! pulling and tugging. Plus Rs.400 :-(

Scaly skin
Answer - Pumice Stone. Rubbing a stone on ur ankles and feet is not exactly fun. That too everyday!

Creams
My favorite part! Why do they have 10,000 skin creams dammit??? I dont even know what those things do! There's mosituriser, there's body lotion, there's a day cream, a night cream, there's a toner, there's cleansing milk, there's a face pack, there's a scrub, there's a hydrating cream, there's a make-up removing cream..... I dont even know the names of the rest! And I need to use these things for glowing skin.. plus there are a 1000 brands that seem the same to me! Graaaaaaaaaah!!!

Make-up
Another favorite area. Eye-liner, kajal, mascara, eye-shadow, eye-lash curler.. Do you stupid boys know how difficult it is to apply eye-liner and kajal??? Its irritating! Lipstick, lip liner, gloss, plus I have to match these colors with my stupid outfit. Foundation, concealer, blush, feels like sandpaper on my face.. too much makes me look like a plastic doll.. too less.. well whats the point??!

Footwear, Clothes, Accessories
Co-ordination.. big time must! Else .. walking fashion disaster. What do I know about fashion?? Umm.. well :-)

Allergy
I have freakin sunlight allergy! I am allergic to sunlight! Why cant I be allergic to shellfish?? Why sunlight? Which means even if its 44 degress C, I need to wear a jacket to cover my hands and neck and carry an umbrella to protect my face wherever I go. I forget one of these.. and I get these pretty looking eruptions.. all over the exposed area! Once again.. thanks for tht too god!

Bags
Fashionable or not.. Screw u.. I'll only carry a backpack.

Its sad.. that despite the fact that we hate you.. we still do all of the above and more.. Just to look good for you. Stupid boys.. I hate you all!

..p..

My personal dictionary

'Random Access' had commented on one of my posts saying I should make a dictionary.. since I have a few favorite words and I keep using them over and over again. That's very true. In fact, my friends are so used to my vocab.. that one day I used the word 'uncouth' and a friend of mine stared at me wide-eyed and open-mouthed. She was like "You dont use such words.. Why did you use 'uncouth'"? I said "Well.. it seemed apt considering the situation". She said "Still.. its you!!" WTF!

So I decided to jot down a few of the words I use when I speak .. These are the words that come outta my mouth atleast 20 times a day:

• Worst (To be pronounced as 'Wuuurstu')
• Bitch
• What the.. !
• Shut up ya!
• Overacting
• Bilady
• Fuckpot (My altered version of crackpot)
• Mad eh?
• Yes eh?
• Useless!

I realized that most of my favorites are abuses. Well.. that's me :D

..p..

PDA

PDA = Public Display of Affection

Adding to my share auto experiences is this wonderful concept of PDA. Let me the explain the logistics part of it. The last seat in the share auto is a 4 seater. Primarily, women are seated there and its pretty cramped up.. so 4 of us can just about park our butts on the seat. Day before yesterday, I was going back home around 7. Aided by the dimly lit auto and otherwise dull evening, I didnt know there was someone taking advantage of this situation. I was strategically positioned in the seat. I had one lady on the right, and one girl on my left and a guy sitting next to her. The guy and the girl were cosily cuddled in the corner and what did they do??

What didn't they do?? There are 12 people in the auto shifting uncomfortably in the seat but these idiots were least bothered. Their palms were glued together. She keeps thrusting herself on him. Suddenly she will kiss his shoulder. Then he realizes that he has to return the kiss.. so he kisses her head. Our hero also suddenly realizes that in a share auto with deafening background music.. he needs to whisper some sweet nothings into her ear. Our heroine is no less a drama queen.. she is quite suddenly overcome by drowsiness. She has to sleep on his lap. sleep disappears in 75 seconds ans she is up again. Hero agains whispers something in her ear to make her blush. Even if the share auto swerves a bit to the right/left, they fall on each other like the damn thing is going to tilt. All this while the hands are glued.. mind it.

I mean 'What the fuck!!?' Bloody find a dark corner on some street and make out man!! Else take an auto and distract the driver with ur coochie cooing.. why the hell do you idiots have to travel in a share auto and make everyone uncomfortable?? Atleast for the sake of the old people in the auto. I am totally not against PDA but this was freakin' lust.. not love! It was like.. where can I feel you further?? and they were totally oblivious to the fact that there are so many other people in the auto!

Stop using love/lust as an excuse for acting stupid socially!! Rotten numbskulls! Get a room for god's sake!

..p..

I take thee as my lawfully wedded wife/husband only if.....

Marriage .. for that matter, even love has become a business dealing now. It is like one company trying to acquire another. only if conditions a,b,c .. z are satisfied. Let me list down some common criteria:

What a 'girl' necessarily wants from the 'guy'

• Guy must be from the U.S - They dont care if the recession is rampant there.. he has to be from the U.S. Not Malaysia.. not Dubai .. not Australia.. only U.S.A. Some go to the extent of saying.. he should be from New York or Chicago.. I dont like Seattle/timbuktoo because aunty next door says the malls are not good there. Soon the condition will go like this I want a guy living in California in Maple avenue.. 1st floor preferable.. in a 3 bedroom apartment.


• Guy must have a flat in the heart of the city - The girl doesnt want him to have a house.. coz that would require a lot of domestic work.. cleaning.. maintaining et all. In the heart of the city, facing the street with centralized a/c. What about the ones who have a flat which is not facing the street? Inelegible bachelors?? Tough luck boys


• Guy must be working in an IT company - Many dont even know what the expansion of IT is. Its jus something thats got to do with the computer. So if a watchman is looking out for a girl, if he is the watchman for an IT company, he is hot property. Apparently only people employed in IT companies can sustain the 'luxurious' lifestyles of these women.. whatever that means.


• Guy must earn minimum 60,000 p.m and must have onsite opportunities in plenty - So guys who earn 59,999 p.m .. you are rejected.. next time perhaps!


• Guy's mother should be dead.. and preferably no sisters - This is to avoid the problem of in-laws torture. So if your mom/sis is alive.. kill them! Else you aint getting nothing.


• Guy should have atleast 2 credit cards (one of which will land up in the girl's purse ultimately) - What if the guy has 5 credit cards and no money? So much for logic. Good luck with the card payment guys!


• Guy must have good wheels - A chauffeur driven Honda civic atleast.. it does'nt matter of she was travelling by a share auto before getting married, but travelling in anything below a Civic will harm her skin.. you know.. UV rays..tch tch.


• Guy must be able to fund overseas trips every now and then - She didnt have a passport till she got married.. but it is mandatory after marriage for pleasure trips necessarily abroad.

What a 'guy' necessarily wants from the 'girl'

• Girl should be fair - If she is dark, he would'nt be able to identify her when the sun sets.. therefore, she needs to be fair.. even of he is the color of a crow.


• Girl should be from a 'good' family - 'good' here implies a rich father-in-law, tons of property in her name and tons of dowry


• Girl's family should be supportive - This means.. if the guy is ever thrown out from his job, father-in-law must give hard cash of 20 lakhs to help him start his new business.


• Girl must be decent - She should not have any 'guy' friends.. ever! If she does, her character is tainted!


• Girl must be independent - She must be employed.. in a 9-5 job.. earn just lesser than the hubby and come back home.. cook.. clean.. everything. Basically, she must be around when he leaves work, and be back when he is back and look fresh as ever. Whereas even if his office is next door, will come back looking like a doped monkey. If by any chance she is late, she will be accused of being involved in 'unscrupulous' activities. Fair enough!

Whatever happened to working hard together and making it big?? Its all about convenience now. Enetering into nuptials with a guarantee that life will materliastically get better. I like the word spinster.. sounds nice doesn't it?? :-)

..p..

Men give stupid excuses to act like the idiots they are! X-(

Random facts about me? no no.. about her

There is this tag going on in facebook - 25 random things about me. I took it up and out it up on facebook. Yesterday when I was talking to one of my best buds, I was telling her about the tag and she was like I dont have some random things about me to describe. I said why not and started rattling off stuff about her. She was like 'What the.. !! How do you know all this about me??' I said 'Err.. I am your best bud..that's why.'

Therefore I decided I will write as many random things I know of her as possible. Just a twist of the original tag :-)

Here goes!

1. She is a very good listener. She can listen your problems/gossip/banter for hours and not complain about how boring it is.
2. She can remember faces that she has seen just for a few mins for years. Unfortunately the other person barely recognizes her ;-)
3. She has a strange bag and show fetish.
4. She once ate 25 bajjis at one go!!!
5. She likes unattractive geeky guys. Very unattractive. Very geeky!
6. She can never grow her hair beyond her shoulders. It is apparently 'too long' beyond that :P
7. She believes she has her grandmom's skin. Literally.
8. She can watch sitcoms continuosly. She finished the entire 'Wonder Years' series in 2 days!
9. She is incredibly forgetful. She has still not given the gifts that she had bought for her Chris child (Chrismom-child game) that we played in std XII. Its been 6 years!
10. She likes any kind of movies. The trashiest movie will appeal to her. So my opposite!
11. She is very spontaneous. Suddenly she will want to go on a road trip. If anyone acknowledges and says 'Okay lets go', he/she is her new best friend.
12. In her final year of under-graduation, she did not attend even one class. When she went to collect one of her exam papers, she had no clue who was teaching what subject that she asked her auditing prof for her IT paper.
13. She speaks the most local tam I can imagine. Autowaala slang. Annande.. innande (Here.. there)
14. She loves seafood.
15. She is very opinionated! Highly!
16. She is very non-girly. She will never take care of her skin.. even if a crater develops on it.
17. She forgets birthdays. Specifically another close bud of ours. She once called me a day after my birthday and wished me.. claiming that she was right .. and that my birthday was on the day she called. I was like 'Huh'?
18. Even if she has 20 days to study for one paper, she will study only the night before the exam.. till 4 in the morning.
19. She gets carried away easily.
20. Her best friend is me :-) I think I am the only person who knows everything about her.
21. She once got so depressed that she just preferred spending time alone in a dark room. This was for almost a month!

21 things is not bad!! Will try and make it 25.. Not able to think anymore now. I know you pretty well :-) see!

..p..

Friends and non-friends

There's this deep desire in me to write a book someday. And the book will be titled 'Friends and non-friends'. I dont know why I thought of that name.. But I know what the content will be -Men/Guys/Boys/Males whatever the term maybe.

Non-Friends

1. I have had my share of relationships, each distinct and entertaining in different ways. Though I invested a lot of emotions in them, treading back in time is pretty wonderful. I would like to write about pataofying styles/the fun part/the friends that came as a result of association/the sad part/the love/the start/the end and of course repercussions. My favourite part is of course the pataofying and the repercussions!


2. Also featuring in the non-friends categories are guys who had a thing for me which I came to know about either directly/indirectly.


3. Guys who didnt know whether they had a thing or not.


4. Enemies. (That list is growing)

Friends

Guys who have been super wonderful pals, who knew just where to draw the line, always gave me a shoulder to cry on and those who stood by me through thick and thin. The ones in this category are very few. So I assume the 'Non-Friends' part is going to be the interesting part. Actually I am sure.. that its going to be the fun part. :-)

So when you buy the book and you find the 'Friends' part torn off, dont be sad. The juicy part is intact. If its the other way around (Non-friends part is torn off), return the book. Not worth buying!

I know saying things like 'No regrets' is cool.. but the when you do have the guts to travel back in time and look at yourself.. and learn from your experiences, you are strong! I am tying to be. So I am uncool .. I have no funky punchlines.. atleast I am learning :-)

And when I become a superstar overnight because of my book, punchlines will be lifted from my book. So dont criticize me.. instead be smart and take autographs in advance before I get/act pricey :D

..p..

Share auto

I dont know who came up with the idea of a share auto. Bloody brilliant I say. Worked out in my favor. I travel in about 30 bux as my cumulative expenditure to and fro. To a normal auto I would have to shell out 180 bux per day!! So Mr.Share auto concept inventor, aapko mera salaam :-)

Everyday I travel in this three wheeled contraption and it is quite an experience. Not in a good way or a bad way.. but through this journey, I come across such different types of people. Of course I have to ignore the mind rattling noise and the constant shoving and pushing of the fat aunty sitting almost always 'co-incidentally' next to me! What am I ?? Do I have a board on my head that says 'Feel free to sit next to me and squeeze my ass to pulp'??? Apparently I do :-(

I guess I have seen almost all the types of drivers that are out there.. The grumpy ones, the friendly ones, the 'dont argue with me .. I am GOD' ones, the polite ones (RARE as hell!), the rash ones, the not so rash ones, the 'I love potholes.. so I am gonna give you guys a bumpy ride' ones and the tortoises (who dont even need an excuse to slow down). Personally, I dont even know which ones I like. Each one suits my convenience according to my need to reach the destination.

People in the auto.. Well, its an ocean! So many different kinds of people.

• The accomodating ones - However little space there is, the try and create some more for u, so u can be comfortable.
• The barkers - They act like the share auto runs only for them. They dont like it when he stops to pick up another passenger on the way. The instantaneously start hurling abuses.
• The rocks - They dont move!!! They just sit near the entrance, whether they get down in the last stop or the next stop. They refuse to freakin budge!
• The ploppers - The people who fall under this category just dont care how much place they have, they will just plop themselves so hard that their ass is literally on your hand! They will conveniently squeeze themselves even into half an inch and make others manage with minimalistic space.
• They homos - In a 4 seater, even if two get down, they will be stuck to you. They will not move and make space. They love u for the wrong reasons. Yuck
• The liberalists - These women under the pretext of being totally open to the concept of men and women sharing a seat, squeeze the poor man into the corner and make him so self conscious of his vulnerability that the guy is forced to get down in the next stop. Talk about adam-teasing!

It is quite wonderful to come across so many people and develop likes/dislikes in a matter of 30 minutes. Quite a harrowing experience as well coz u need to cling on to your dear life to survive the journey :-) All I can say is Hail Share Autos and Cheers to an experience that is LIFE!

..p..

Leave letter

Dear Blog readers,

As I am suffering from a nasty cold, I request permission to take a day off from blogging. Achoooo!

Yours,
Priya
Counter-signed,
Priya's mom

..p..

The curious case of Benjamin Button

I watched the movie last night and I liked it. The movie is pretty long.. 2 and half hours to be precise. But I think the director needed that time to fully convey the essence of the character. Every character holds some significance to Benjamin .. The woman who plays the piano, the man who gets hit by lightining, Queenie.. they all add up to his personality. The summation of their experiences makes Benjamin a better person.

The character has beautifully evolved from a child trapped in the body of an old man to an old man trapped in the body of a child. The fact that Benjamin is fully aware of his condition is reflected in his maturity when he decides to leave his wife and kid.

Pros:

• Brad Pitt..Brad Pitt..Brad Pitt..Brad Pitt..Brad Pitt..Brad Pitt..!!!! He is hot when he grows younger.. simply HOT!


• Brilliant acting by almost everyone. Even the little girl who plays Daisy.


• Good casting


• Well written dialogues.


• Interesting plot.


• Incredible make-up!! Highly applaudable.

Cons:

• Length of the movie. Which also is not a con... as I said, you need that much time to understand the character.

Oscar material for sure. I think its high time Leonardo Di Caprio and Brad Pitt win an oscar. They are highly talented actors. Plus they are deliciously hot! Next year perhaps.

..p..

The weekend and then on

As usual, I will give my random weekend updates. In no particular order whatsoever. So dont try to understand the chronology/priority.

• Friday was a total waste of time. Oh Friday doesnt count as the weekend .. oh well :)
• Managed to sort out issues of weirdness with a colleague. Happiness I say!
• Went for 'body servicing' (read - parlour/waxing et all). The road to beauty and all tht jazz aint so pretty you know. And 'someone' said, "you do this as a routine.. how can it still hurt?" All I wanted to say was "Screw u!!!" X-(
• I realized that I am an incredibly short-tempered person. I keep shutting myself out or walking away from people. Not a good sign. Time to attain nirvana. Where's my halo?? Someone bring me my halo please!
• Started watching Benjamin Button last night. Movie is long and slow, but interesting. Great make-up and acting. Half way through. Review should be up tomorrow.
• I cannot apply nail polish for nuts! It looks like a 3 year old trying to draw the sun. Atleast that looks cute.. My piece of art looks crappy!
• Witnessed a scary accident. Thank god noone was injured!
• Violent guys are a huge turn on for me. Maybe I need therapy? Again this realization dawned upon me this weekend.
• Its getting too HOT HOT HOT! I wish it will snow here someday.

That's all.. you guys can go now! :-) How much happens over a weekend huh?

..p..

P.S - No television wars this weekend. TV conked out :P