I have refrained from blogging for some god-knows-what reason, but today I just couldn't resist myself. I needed a place to vent and who better than my 'never complaining coz I didn't bother' blog :P

As you transcend through time and gradually get pulled into new dimensions of life, you are supposed to widen your horizon and gain knowledge in the process. Basically, you are trying to become wise devoid of the gray hair. New school, new college, new work place, new room mates, new colleagues, neighbours and what not? So many different people. Vagaries of nature. Although it is quite fascinating, it actually makes me stop and ponder - Damn, I didn't know there were anomalies such as him/her. And it only gets worse. I can literally count the number of sensible, non-cheap, kind and generous people. Those with character, personality, confidence and attitude narrows the list down a little bit, scratch that - it narrows down the list to single digits.

Everyone/everything has boiled down to money, pompousness, materialistic comforts, physical pleasures, promiscuity, arrogance, convenience and last but definitely not the least insanity.

Words like 'love' and 'happiness' remain romantic illusions. These words have been used so often that the very essence of it has been lost in translation. Everyone claims to have it, but secretly yearn for a pinch of the real deal. I don't know when they will realize that you can NEVER find it especially if you're looking in the wrong places.

Its like trying to find ice cream in a parched desert.
a) Water is a luxury, ice cream is distant.
b) If you do find it, its a bloody illusion.

I am not sure why this is bugging me so much off late, particularly when weed like this has been prevalent for quite sometime now. But, these are things I just cannot digest. I think it's the scripted reality shows, jaded teenagers and retarded young adults I see.


Dictionary for the modern age

1. Relationships = Car, good looks, money, pubs
2. Confidence = Abuse, skimpy clothes and disrespect
3. Independent = Detach from parents, NEVER visit them, call them names, party, zero accountability
4. Money = Life
5. Charity = Buying your new friend a drink
   
6. Love = Dejavu
7. Attitude = Confidence+Independence (according to new dictionary)
8. Marriage = An intertwined relationship with love, money and convenience

Oh! and Btw, 'I love you' is the most abused line. EVER

I am 25 years old and I am not a fucking saint. But I am no commercialized human being either. I am in limbo. But, this limbo is not so bad.

Ahem..

With multiple layers of clothing to protect my allergy-prone body, I got into the share auto y'day. Pretty empty.. and I was glad the driver didn't cut short his destination due to the lack of enough passengers (Normally, if there aren't too many, he just says get down some 2-3 stops before the destination and says he wont go beyond this.. pfft. seller's market it is!).

Finally, when my stop did come, I gave him exact change of Rs.15 instead of doing what I always do - I hand over a Rs.100 note with a sheepish grin while he glares hoping I'd never got in! Despite rendering exact change, he called me towards the driver's seat. I was like 'dude I gave u exact change.. now what?' He insisted that I come over. Blinking, I went to his side and he was like -

'Madam cine field le interest irukka?' (Translation-Are u interested in the cine field?)
Me - ' :O what?'
'Interest irukkuna sollunge madam' (Translation-If you have interest tell me madam)
Me - 'Thanks.. but ille' (Translation-Thanks.. but no)
'Okay madam.. thanks'

There was only one thing in my head.. how did he manage to think I had a shot (even if it was for the role of the vegetable seller or some extra who hangs around int he background) under those layers of clothing. I looked like a member of the Taliban.. only 2 eyes visible. Well.. maybe he thought I had mesmerising eyes ;-) .. Who am I kidding!

Yeah.. well it was really weird.!
End.of.story

..p..

I am ME.. and I am proud of it

I was watching the movie 'Runaway Bride' the other day and suddenly this morning a certain dialogue popped into my head. I think I found it relevant because I see a lot my friends/acquaintances/family having a similar character.

In the movie Richard Gere is a reporter who meets all the guys Julia Roberts has left at the altar and interviews them on various aspects. One particular question he asks everyone is - "how does she like her eggs?" As odd as it seems, I actually watched the entire movie (the movie as such is not so inspiring even for a chick flick) to know why he asked that to every guy she has ditched.

In a moment of 'repressed emotions letting go' sort of a confrontation, he tells Julia Roberts why he asked that. To every guy she has been with, she has made him believe that she likes the same kind of eggs as he does. Which goes on to prove that, with no guy has she been her own self. She has gone to such an extent to believe that she is what the guy wants but at the altar, its a different story. She cannot imagine living a life with a guy with whom she is not entirely herself that she decides to run away.

In fact, Gere mentions that she likes to make a guy believe that she is the one for him. Not in a deceptive way.. but because she thinks that what she is..momentarily.

Atleast Julia Roberts decided by the end of the movie that she has to be herself. But in reality, there are plenty of people who have given up so much of themselves that they do not have any individuality left. It could be due to the fear of the society, due to lack of understanding of oneself, low confidence but most importantly, its because of constant convincing that this is the only way to be happy.

Its sad that the many of the educated people are this way especially in terms of relationships. Fear of being alone. That fear has dug in so deep that some cannot imagine being single and get into multiple relationships. Some lose identities in relationships and wriggle out when it comes to taking things forward because they cannot imagine spending their life that way (Like Runaway Bride). Some don't even take time to explore themselves.. to understand who they really are.

The whole point of education is to make prudent decisions and understand oneself. It gives us the ability to realize that its okay to be heard and noticed for being what you are instead of getting lost in the crowd.

Relationships are the biggest excuse to hide from surfacing. Not all of course.. generalization would be unjust. But, I know the extent of truth in it because I was one of those people.. who hid under the shield of a relationship shying away from exploring my own self.

Every relationship be it with ur family, with a friend, with a boyfriend/girlfriend, has to give room for your individuality. You have nothing to gain by impressing someone who you dont really care about. Don't lose it, its your biggest strength.

And contrary to what the 'elders' say - losing individuality is not called COMPROMISE! A fine line exists .. see it!

-Been there.. done that

You can tell for sure that its crowded when you have somebody's arm on your shoulder,your leg gets lost in the number of legs around you that you cant find out which one is yours despite the pressing familiarity and your ass is sandwiched between two giant asses (that obviously is someone else's). Add to that deafening noise and oodles of sweat. Thats India for you served on a platter.

Long time no see

Quite often we come stumble upon friends/relatives/acquaintances who we haven't seen for a while. Pretty normal... ordinary circumstances.. What follows is the uneasy part.

At Inox..
Me: Hey!!!
X: Hey!
Me: Its been so long!
X: Yeah ! Long time no see..
Me: So ... how are u?
X: Am good.. working.
Me: Oh! *not interested.. still* Where are u working?
X: at ABC ltd..
Me: Oh thats nice!
X: What about u?
Me: I am working at blah company.

--Many exclamations later..

X: Nice.. so ur here for which movie?
Me: Blah *Please dont come for the same movie.. I dont know wat else to talk about*
X: Oh! I am going for crap movie
Me: *Thank god* Heard its very good..
X: Yeah..
Me: err...
X: err..
Me: Okay then.. enjoy.. looks like its time for your movie..
X: Yeah yeah *Thank god for that*
Me & X: Bye!

-------

Its not like I am not happy to see him/her/them. But after this 2 minute conversation I dont know what else to say. Obviously we are not going to exchange numbers under the pretext of staying in touch.. so that dialogue is out of context. I dont want to know if X is married or single or divorced because 'marriage' is forbidden territory in terms of conversation. 'Kids' is a banned topic. That leaves me only with 'Hi.. how are u and where are u working' and an awkward expression which implies I am hunting for topics to avoid the uncomfortable silence.

The worst was this one time at Satyam when I had gone for 'Gothika' with D. I think D had gone to get popcorn.

Arbit voice - Hey !! Priya .. its been so long since I saw you. How are you?
Me - *Staring and incredibly lost*.. ugh..
Arbit voice - How is everybody?
Me - *Everybody = ??* ugh..

(I haven't said a word all this while to this girl who seeems so glad she bumped into me coz I have no damn clue about who she is! )

D - Hi S !!!
D to me - pssssst thats S from school!
Me - OH! so thats how I know you!
S - You didnt recognize me all this while?
Me to myself - *Dont think aloud!!!*

Already I have a problem with placing people.. then comes the problem of having civilized conversation. How much can a little girl (me) take :-( ?

..p..

High School Demographics

We watch a lot of firang high school movies and what is immediately noticeable is the set-up. There are a bunch of popular kids, geeky kids, normal kids and the hero/heroine. Though it seems cinematic, it is kinda true isnt it? Lets define the characters:

1. The popular and mean kid - The most handsome guy/girl in class who most of the geeky or almost non-existent kids in the class have a crush on. The popular kid doesn't even know the names of the rest of the kids in class. The popular girl is the one the seniors have their eye on. The only reason why they would even come by your classroom. The popular kids are the reason why your class is noticed.
2. The popular yet nice kid - They are rare. Despite their popularity, they are in touch with reality. They mingle with everyone. They try to remember the names of other kids in class. They fit in without the high and mighty air around them.
3. The geeky kid - Almost disappearing into the books with thick glasses. Not to be seen anywhere without a book. They are glad to be even spoken to anyone from the popular gang. Teacher's pet. Almost always has a crush on the most popular guy/girl. Wants to have a life.. but doesnt know how to.
4. The invisible kids - They dont fall under any category. They are the ones who disappear into the background. Not many kids remember their names.
5. The funny guy - Every class will have a 'funny' guy. The guy who cannot be taken seriously. The guy who's job is to just mock the teachers/other students. Mostly a friend of the popular kids. He is mostly either very thin or plump. He also likes a girl .. but the girl thinks thats a joke too.
6. The dumb-fuck - Extremely stupid. Never passes tests. Manages to scrape through finals. Complains to the teachers when the popular kids tease him. Almost in the category of non-existents.. But infamous.
7. The girly girl - The dainty darling. The one who is over dramatic. Acts like the world's gonna end even if her nail breaks. Expects all the guys to comfort her when her nail breaks. Cries for the stupidest reasons. Attention-seeker.
8. The tom-boy - The girl who noone thinks of as a girl. The almost buddy girl who also has a girly side, but never shows it coz she knows she cant pull it off. Mostly has a crush on the popular kid.
9. The girl-gang - All girls only.. No boys allowed.
10. The boy-gang - All boys only.. No girls allowed.

I saw these demographics not just in high school.. but also carry-forward till post-graduation, to some extent even till my first work-place. Looks like movies are not so over-dramatized after-all.

I personally belonged to the "Invisible kids" gang. I ventured a bit into the "All girl" gang and was the friend of a popular yet nice kid.

Do drop in a comment and tell me which category you fit into :-)

..p..

Err..

Aerobics - Disorientation maxed out

Work - Slack.. slackening.. slackening more

Home Front - Chaos personified

Relationship - Disillusionment..

Friends - Sanity upkeepers

Blogging - Canvas for venting

Blogger Comments - Reassurance.

Me - No Clue!

PDA

PDA = Public Display of Affection

Adding to my share auto experiences is this wonderful concept of PDA. Let me the explain the logistics part of it. The last seat in the share auto is a 4 seater. Primarily, women are seated there and its pretty cramped up.. so 4 of us can just about park our butts on the seat. Day before yesterday, I was going back home around 7. Aided by the dimly lit auto and otherwise dull evening, I didnt know there was someone taking advantage of this situation. I was strategically positioned in the seat. I had one lady on the right, and one girl on my left and a guy sitting next to her. The guy and the girl were cosily cuddled in the corner and what did they do??

What didn't they do?? There are 12 people in the auto shifting uncomfortably in the seat but these idiots were least bothered. Their palms were glued together. She keeps thrusting herself on him. Suddenly she will kiss his shoulder. Then he realizes that he has to return the kiss.. so he kisses her head. Our hero also suddenly realizes that in a share auto with deafening background music.. he needs to whisper some sweet nothings into her ear. Our heroine is no less a drama queen.. she is quite suddenly overcome by drowsiness. She has to sleep on his lap. sleep disappears in 75 seconds ans she is up again. Hero agains whispers something in her ear to make her blush. Even if the share auto swerves a bit to the right/left, they fall on each other like the damn thing is going to tilt. All this while the hands are glued.. mind it.

I mean 'What the fuck!!?' Bloody find a dark corner on some street and make out man!! Else take an auto and distract the driver with ur coochie cooing.. why the hell do you idiots have to travel in a share auto and make everyone uncomfortable?? Atleast for the sake of the old people in the auto. I am totally not against PDA but this was freakin' lust.. not love! It was like.. where can I feel you further?? and they were totally oblivious to the fact that there are so many other people in the auto!

Stop using love/lust as an excuse for acting stupid socially!! Rotten numbskulls! Get a room for god's sake!

..p..

I take thee as my lawfully wedded wife/husband only if.....

Marriage .. for that matter, even love has become a business dealing now. It is like one company trying to acquire another. only if conditions a,b,c .. z are satisfied. Let me list down some common criteria:

What a 'girl' necessarily wants from the 'guy'

• Guy must be from the U.S - They dont care if the recession is rampant there.. he has to be from the U.S. Not Malaysia.. not Dubai .. not Australia.. only U.S.A. Some go to the extent of saying.. he should be from New York or Chicago.. I dont like Seattle/timbuktoo because aunty next door says the malls are not good there. Soon the condition will go like this I want a guy living in California in Maple avenue.. 1st floor preferable.. in a 3 bedroom apartment.


• Guy must have a flat in the heart of the city - The girl doesnt want him to have a house.. coz that would require a lot of domestic work.. cleaning.. maintaining et all. In the heart of the city, facing the street with centralized a/c. What about the ones who have a flat which is not facing the street? Inelegible bachelors?? Tough luck boys


• Guy must be working in an IT company - Many dont even know what the expansion of IT is. Its jus something thats got to do with the computer. So if a watchman is looking out for a girl, if he is the watchman for an IT company, he is hot property. Apparently only people employed in IT companies can sustain the 'luxurious' lifestyles of these women.. whatever that means.


• Guy must earn minimum 60,000 p.m and must have onsite opportunities in plenty - So guys who earn 59,999 p.m .. you are rejected.. next time perhaps!


• Guy's mother should be dead.. and preferably no sisters - This is to avoid the problem of in-laws torture. So if your mom/sis is alive.. kill them! Else you aint getting nothing.


• Guy should have atleast 2 credit cards (one of which will land up in the girl's purse ultimately) - What if the guy has 5 credit cards and no money? So much for logic. Good luck with the card payment guys!


• Guy must have good wheels - A chauffeur driven Honda civic atleast.. it does'nt matter of she was travelling by a share auto before getting married, but travelling in anything below a Civic will harm her skin.. you know.. UV rays..tch tch.


• Guy must be able to fund overseas trips every now and then - She didnt have a passport till she got married.. but it is mandatory after marriage for pleasure trips necessarily abroad.

What a 'guy' necessarily wants from the 'girl'

• Girl should be fair - If she is dark, he would'nt be able to identify her when the sun sets.. therefore, she needs to be fair.. even of he is the color of a crow.


• Girl should be from a 'good' family - 'good' here implies a rich father-in-law, tons of property in her name and tons of dowry


• Girl's family should be supportive - This means.. if the guy is ever thrown out from his job, father-in-law must give hard cash of 20 lakhs to help him start his new business.


• Girl must be decent - She should not have any 'guy' friends.. ever! If she does, her character is tainted!


• Girl must be independent - She must be employed.. in a 9-5 job.. earn just lesser than the hubby and come back home.. cook.. clean.. everything. Basically, she must be around when he leaves work, and be back when he is back and look fresh as ever. Whereas even if his office is next door, will come back looking like a doped monkey. If by any chance she is late, she will be accused of being involved in 'unscrupulous' activities. Fair enough!

Whatever happened to working hard together and making it big?? Its all about convenience now. Enetering into nuptials with a guarantee that life will materliastically get better. I like the word spinster.. sounds nice doesn't it?? :-)

..p..

Friends and non-friends

There's this deep desire in me to write a book someday. And the book will be titled 'Friends and non-friends'. I dont know why I thought of that name.. But I know what the content will be -Men/Guys/Boys/Males whatever the term maybe.

Non-Friends

1. I have had my share of relationships, each distinct and entertaining in different ways. Though I invested a lot of emotions in them, treading back in time is pretty wonderful. I would like to write about pataofying styles/the fun part/the friends that came as a result of association/the sad part/the love/the start/the end and of course repercussions. My favourite part is of course the pataofying and the repercussions!


2. Also featuring in the non-friends categories are guys who had a thing for me which I came to know about either directly/indirectly.


3. Guys who didnt know whether they had a thing or not.


4. Enemies. (That list is growing)

Friends

Guys who have been super wonderful pals, who knew just where to draw the line, always gave me a shoulder to cry on and those who stood by me through thick and thin. The ones in this category are very few. So I assume the 'Non-Friends' part is going to be the interesting part. Actually I am sure.. that its going to be the fun part. :-)

So when you buy the book and you find the 'Friends' part torn off, dont be sad. The juicy part is intact. If its the other way around (Non-friends part is torn off), return the book. Not worth buying!

I know saying things like 'No regrets' is cool.. but the when you do have the guts to travel back in time and look at yourself.. and learn from your experiences, you are strong! I am tying to be. So I am uncool .. I have no funky punchlines.. atleast I am learning :-)

And when I become a superstar overnight because of my book, punchlines will be lifted from my book. So dont criticize me.. instead be smart and take autographs in advance before I get/act pricey :D

..p..

Share auto

I dont know who came up with the idea of a share auto. Bloody brilliant I say. Worked out in my favor. I travel in about 30 bux as my cumulative expenditure to and fro. To a normal auto I would have to shell out 180 bux per day!! So Mr.Share auto concept inventor, aapko mera salaam :-)

Everyday I travel in this three wheeled contraption and it is quite an experience. Not in a good way or a bad way.. but through this journey, I come across such different types of people. Of course I have to ignore the mind rattling noise and the constant shoving and pushing of the fat aunty sitting almost always 'co-incidentally' next to me! What am I ?? Do I have a board on my head that says 'Feel free to sit next to me and squeeze my ass to pulp'??? Apparently I do :-(

I guess I have seen almost all the types of drivers that are out there.. The grumpy ones, the friendly ones, the 'dont argue with me .. I am GOD' ones, the polite ones (RARE as hell!), the rash ones, the not so rash ones, the 'I love potholes.. so I am gonna give you guys a bumpy ride' ones and the tortoises (who dont even need an excuse to slow down). Personally, I dont even know which ones I like. Each one suits my convenience according to my need to reach the destination.

People in the auto.. Well, its an ocean! So many different kinds of people.

• The accomodating ones - However little space there is, the try and create some more for u, so u can be comfortable.
• The barkers - They act like the share auto runs only for them. They dont like it when he stops to pick up another passenger on the way. The instantaneously start hurling abuses.
• The rocks - They dont move!!! They just sit near the entrance, whether they get down in the last stop or the next stop. They refuse to freakin budge!
• The ploppers - The people who fall under this category just dont care how much place they have, they will just plop themselves so hard that their ass is literally on your hand! They will conveniently squeeze themselves even into half an inch and make others manage with minimalistic space.
• They homos - In a 4 seater, even if two get down, they will be stuck to you. They will not move and make space. They love u for the wrong reasons. Yuck
• The liberalists - These women under the pretext of being totally open to the concept of men and women sharing a seat, squeeze the poor man into the corner and make him so self conscious of his vulnerability that the guy is forced to get down in the next stop. Talk about adam-teasing!

It is quite wonderful to come across so many people and develop likes/dislikes in a matter of 30 minutes. Quite a harrowing experience as well coz u need to cling on to your dear life to survive the journey :-) All I can say is Hail Share Autos and Cheers to an experience that is LIFE!

..p..