I have refrained from blogging for some god-knows-what reason, but today I just couldn't resist myself. I needed a place to vent and who better than my 'never complaining coz I didn't bother' blog :P

As you transcend through time and gradually get pulled into new dimensions of life, you are supposed to widen your horizon and gain knowledge in the process. Basically, you are trying to become wise devoid of the gray hair. New school, new college, new work place, new room mates, new colleagues, neighbours and what not? So many different people. Vagaries of nature. Although it is quite fascinating, it actually makes me stop and ponder - Damn, I didn't know there were anomalies such as him/her. And it only gets worse. I can literally count the number of sensible, non-cheap, kind and generous people. Those with character, personality, confidence and attitude narrows the list down a little bit, scratch that - it narrows down the list to single digits.

Everyone/everything has boiled down to money, pompousness, materialistic comforts, physical pleasures, promiscuity, arrogance, convenience and last but definitely not the least insanity.

Words like 'love' and 'happiness' remain romantic illusions. These words have been used so often that the very essence of it has been lost in translation. Everyone claims to have it, but secretly yearn for a pinch of the real deal. I don't know when they will realize that you can NEVER find it especially if you're looking in the wrong places.

Its like trying to find ice cream in a parched desert.
a) Water is a luxury, ice cream is distant.
b) If you do find it, its a bloody illusion.

I am not sure why this is bugging me so much off late, particularly when weed like this has been prevalent for quite sometime now. But, these are things I just cannot digest. I think it's the scripted reality shows, jaded teenagers and retarded young adults I see.


Dictionary for the modern age

1. Relationships = Car, good looks, money, pubs
2. Confidence = Abuse, skimpy clothes and disrespect
3. Independent = Detach from parents, NEVER visit them, call them names, party, zero accountability
4. Money = Life
5. Charity = Buying your new friend a drink
   
6. Love = Dejavu
7. Attitude = Confidence+Independence (according to new dictionary)
8. Marriage = An intertwined relationship with love, money and convenience

Oh! and Btw, 'I love you' is the most abused line. EVER

I am 25 years old and I am not a fucking saint. But I am no commercialized human being either. I am in limbo. But, this limbo is not so bad.

Ahem..

With multiple layers of clothing to protect my allergy-prone body, I got into the share auto y'day. Pretty empty.. and I was glad the driver didn't cut short his destination due to the lack of enough passengers (Normally, if there aren't too many, he just says get down some 2-3 stops before the destination and says he wont go beyond this.. pfft. seller's market it is!).

Finally, when my stop did come, I gave him exact change of Rs.15 instead of doing what I always do - I hand over a Rs.100 note with a sheepish grin while he glares hoping I'd never got in! Despite rendering exact change, he called me towards the driver's seat. I was like 'dude I gave u exact change.. now what?' He insisted that I come over. Blinking, I went to his side and he was like -

'Madam cine field le interest irukka?' (Translation-Are u interested in the cine field?)
Me - ' :O what?'
'Interest irukkuna sollunge madam' (Translation-If you have interest tell me madam)
Me - 'Thanks.. but ille' (Translation-Thanks.. but no)
'Okay madam.. thanks'

There was only one thing in my head.. how did he manage to think I had a shot (even if it was for the role of the vegetable seller or some extra who hangs around int he background) under those layers of clothing. I looked like a member of the Taliban.. only 2 eyes visible. Well.. maybe he thought I had mesmerising eyes ;-) .. Who am I kidding!

Yeah.. well it was really weird.!
End.of.story

..p..

Weird nick names!

Be it school or college, I've had my set of goofy friends who love to stupid crazy things..and carrying that forward, I have worked in two companies and both have provided me with a like-minded set of friends/colleagues.. whatever :P

Something we always do is name the people around us based on looks/characteristics/language/body language (yes.. we are a discriminating lot!). I was just thinking of the names that we had come up with and thought it would be pretty interesting to note them down. (Actual identities will NOT be disclosed)

From college:

• Kosu (mosquito)
• Jannal (Window)
• IO (Instant Orgasm)
• Sams
• Bulb
• Puppy
• Jam Bun
• Vardha
• Blob

From post graduation:

• Bulb mandai
• Aaya mani
• Gumps
• Fish
• Mosquito
• Kooja
• Grinder
• Sips
• Machan
• Anda
• Dori
• Glamor Queen

From office #1

• Oriya
• Pakoda
• Nethralaya
• Banana
• It
• Bit
• Topa
• Moss
• Toss
• Germs
• Bijya
• Korangu Mooju (Monkey face)
• Feminine Gender

From office #2

• Traffic
• Satti
• Muttai Payya (Egg boy)
• Fruit boy
• Eye candy
• Bhondu
• Jiggy
• Bedsheet
• Kams
• Creep
• Ms.Orgasmic
• Oblaqy

I am sure there are tons more and I can't think of it..will update as I remember. Till then, read 'em and ponder over who's who ;)

..p..

Trying to fit a 10 day-old baby in a 10 cm radius basket is not custom .. its lack of familiarity with the metric system.

..p..

Too many don't you think?

Once a friend of mine walked into class late, with a handbag that could fit nothing more than a pencil in it. Our professor stopped her and asked -

Prof - Is this how you come to college?
X - *blinks* huh? *Are my clothes torn?*
Prof - What are u carrying?
X - A bag.. *duh*
Prof - What's in it? Do you have any books at all? Where's your accounts book?
X - *confidently* Its in D's bike :D
Prof - And when will it walk from D's bike to your class?
X - *stumped* err..
Prof - What about your marketing notes?
X - We dont have marketing class
Prof - *Shit!* What about your management class notes?
X - Its with Y
Prof - If all your books are with others why the hell are you in class? And what is that excuse of a bag you're carrying? Get out!
X - *unlucky bag.. must get rid of it*

Since I travel by share auto, I see many women. I observe the way they accessorize, their clothes, hair-do, body language,etc.. I realized that many women carry a handbag, the size of brick. They carry their cell phone in their hands.. because the PM can call them anytime. Their lunch box in the other hand and an umbrella tucked into their armpit because it obviously cannot fit into the dumb bag. Oh! I forgot the 10x10 cm handkerchief forcefully shoved into one palm. Top it all, hands need to be free at regular intervals to adjust the dupatta.. Left side dupatta falling.. right side dupatta falling.. hair falling on face.. my my.. how many hands needed?

My question is - Why cant you just carry a bag big enough to put all your stuff in? Is it not fashionable?? Big bags are very 'In' aren't they? And with all your luggage you sit next to me acting as though I occupy a lot of space! Biladys

..p..

P.S - I wonder whats in the bag if almost everything is held in the hands..

Too many wedding bells.

Looks like girls and boys in my age-group are ripe as hell.

I am attending 7 weddings this month.. Not 1.. Not 2 but.. SEVEN! That's a lot! Everytime I get a a call from someone I barely talk to, I know he/she is calling to yell, "Hey .. Guess what.. I am getting married." I am like "Oh .. Congratulations.. What an unpredictable event!"

Every week I get atleast one mail saying "Another wedding to attend" or "Hi .. I would like to invite all of your for my wedding. Kindly consider this a personal invite and please make it". One girl in particular, who quite obviously didnt want me to attend her wedding sends me a mail like she is asking her manager for leave. "PFA my wedding invite".. who the hell says PFA for a wedding invitation?? Top it all the wedding's in Kerala and I get the invite a few days before the D-Day. Why'd you even PFA ur invite to me lady?

Recently I attended a wedding and met one of my college friends there.
She was like "Hi.. long time.. how're u?"
I notice that in her hand is a baby.
"Oh this is my son. he is one and half months old".
Me - Telling myself *This is a dream.. wake up*. "
"Did you know X is pregnant with her second baby?"
Me - Telling myself *This is not a dream.. its a nightmare. WAKE UP*

Now after the mating, breeding has begun too. (Thats very crude.. but what the hell)

Everytime I attend a wedding, for a second I think "Am I lagging behind?" Then the assurance steps in "This is one race in which I dont mind coming last" :-)

..p..

Invitation for friendship

Got this one just a few minutes back.

On Mon, May 4, 2009 at 11:43 AM, Ajaya Das <ajayadas.das@gmail.com> wrote:

Hai, I am ajaya. I want to develope friendship with you.

What does he expect me to say?
"Dear Ajaya, Yes! I will co-operate in developing friendship with you too. When can we start the development process? And what about the testing stage? Shall we have an initial dry-run? Also I would like to discuss the cost-benefit details."

They never quite get the right pick-up line :P
I am not saying they totally suck at it.. I just remembered that I fell for one and fell really deep too :D

..p..

P.S - In a matter of minutes, got another another one from Sathish Babu

how r u? i saw ur profile yaar... its very interesting yaar... could u add me as ur friend yaar....

My reply should be 'Shut it yaar' :-)

X-(

Boys are stupid!

..p..

PDA

PDA = Public Display of Affection

Adding to my share auto experiences is this wonderful concept of PDA. Let me the explain the logistics part of it. The last seat in the share auto is a 4 seater. Primarily, women are seated there and its pretty cramped up.. so 4 of us can just about park our butts on the seat. Day before yesterday, I was going back home around 7. Aided by the dimly lit auto and otherwise dull evening, I didnt know there was someone taking advantage of this situation. I was strategically positioned in the seat. I had one lady on the right, and one girl on my left and a guy sitting next to her. The guy and the girl were cosily cuddled in the corner and what did they do??

What didn't they do?? There are 12 people in the auto shifting uncomfortably in the seat but these idiots were least bothered. Their palms were glued together. She keeps thrusting herself on him. Suddenly she will kiss his shoulder. Then he realizes that he has to return the kiss.. so he kisses her head. Our hero also suddenly realizes that in a share auto with deafening background music.. he needs to whisper some sweet nothings into her ear. Our heroine is no less a drama queen.. she is quite suddenly overcome by drowsiness. She has to sleep on his lap. sleep disappears in 75 seconds ans she is up again. Hero agains whispers something in her ear to make her blush. Even if the share auto swerves a bit to the right/left, they fall on each other like the damn thing is going to tilt. All this while the hands are glued.. mind it.

I mean 'What the fuck!!?' Bloody find a dark corner on some street and make out man!! Else take an auto and distract the driver with ur coochie cooing.. why the hell do you idiots have to travel in a share auto and make everyone uncomfortable?? Atleast for the sake of the old people in the auto. I am totally not against PDA but this was freakin' lust.. not love! It was like.. where can I feel you further?? and they were totally oblivious to the fact that there are so many other people in the auto!

Stop using love/lust as an excuse for acting stupid socially!! Rotten numbskulls! Get a room for god's sake!

..p..