Weird nick names!

Be it school or college, I've had my set of goofy friends who love to stupid crazy things..and carrying that forward, I have worked in two companies and both have provided me with a like-minded set of friends/colleagues.. whatever :P

Something we always do is name the people around us based on looks/characteristics/language/body language (yes.. we are a discriminating lot!). I was just thinking of the names that we had come up with and thought it would be pretty interesting to note them down. (Actual identities will NOT be disclosed)

From college:

• Kosu (mosquito)
• Jannal (Window)
• IO (Instant Orgasm)
• Sams
• Bulb
• Puppy
• Jam Bun
• Vardha
• Blob

From post graduation:

• Bulb mandai
• Aaya mani
• Gumps
• Fish
• Mosquito
• Kooja
• Grinder
• Sips
• Machan
• Anda
• Dori
• Glamor Queen

From office #1

• Oriya
• Pakoda
• Nethralaya
• Banana
• It
• Bit
• Topa
• Moss
• Toss
• Germs
• Bijya
• Korangu Mooju (Monkey face)
• Feminine Gender

From office #2

• Traffic
• Satti
• Muttai Payya (Egg boy)
• Fruit boy
• Eye candy
• Bhondu
• Jiggy
• Bedsheet
• Kams
• Creep
• Ms.Orgasmic
• Oblaqy

I am sure there are tons more and I can't think of it..will update as I remember. Till then, read 'em and ponder over who's who ;)

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Buying Jeans

According to me, Jeans are the most comfortable things on earth.. There are so many things that make them so lovable:

1. They don't need to be washed often. (Rather we choose not to wash them.. and its not such a bad thing)
2. It looks better when its torn.. so we don't need to yell at that stray nail on which the new jeans got caught and tore.
3. Anything looks good on it..
4. Color is really not an issue because it becomes a muddy brown eventually anyway due to the non-washing and constant dirtying
5. Brand is not an issue if you choose to not tuck your t shirt/shirt, no one can see the tag.. you can just as well say its Dolce & Gabbana, people will buy it :-)
6. Most convenient while travelling. Even if its a 5 day trip, 2 pairs of jeans and 6 t shirts will make do. The bag wont be brimming with clothes.
7. If it rains and u fold your jeans, it doesn't look like you've borrowed a rickshaw man's pants, its fashionable! Additionally, you can fold your jeans anyway - it still qualifies as a fashion statement
8. Always always always! keep your old jeans. Do NOT discard! Why? - If boot cut is in for 5 months, skinny jeans are in for the next 5, straight cut for the next 5, low rise for the next 5 and high waist for the next 5 and so on... Whether history repeats itself or not, jeans fashion does. Better to save those jeans to avoid unnecessary expenses when they are back in 'vogue'.

Despite all the niceties associated with jeans, there is always a problem when it comes to purchasing them. Common problems I face -

"Its too tight around the waist.. I want the next size" - Next size will 99% not be available. sigh

"Length is not enough, it looks like I am wearing my 5'5'' inch cousin's jeans.. do u have length options" - Again not available. sigh

"A different color?" - Not available. sigh

"Very loose at the thighs" - Tighter ones are not available. sigh

"Low waist?" - no? sigh

"Skinny jeans?" - no? sigh

"Its perfect! I'll take it!! " - Rs.2100?? no..sigh

Maybe I'll wait till the next sale comes up.

Common problems in buying the most comfortable things on earth. But at the end of it, they are SO worth it! :-)

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X-(

Boys are stupid!

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High School Demographics

We watch a lot of firang high school movies and what is immediately noticeable is the set-up. There are a bunch of popular kids, geeky kids, normal kids and the hero/heroine. Though it seems cinematic, it is kinda true isnt it? Lets define the characters:

1. The popular and mean kid - The most handsome guy/girl in class who most of the geeky or almost non-existent kids in the class have a crush on. The popular kid doesn't even know the names of the rest of the kids in class. The popular girl is the one the seniors have their eye on. The only reason why they would even come by your classroom. The popular kids are the reason why your class is noticed.
2. The popular yet nice kid - They are rare. Despite their popularity, they are in touch with reality. They mingle with everyone. They try to remember the names of other kids in class. They fit in without the high and mighty air around them.
3. The geeky kid - Almost disappearing into the books with thick glasses. Not to be seen anywhere without a book. They are glad to be even spoken to anyone from the popular gang. Teacher's pet. Almost always has a crush on the most popular guy/girl. Wants to have a life.. but doesnt know how to.
4. The invisible kids - They dont fall under any category. They are the ones who disappear into the background. Not many kids remember their names.
5. The funny guy - Every class will have a 'funny' guy. The guy who cannot be taken seriously. The guy who's job is to just mock the teachers/other students. Mostly a friend of the popular kids. He is mostly either very thin or plump. He also likes a girl .. but the girl thinks thats a joke too.
6. The dumb-fuck - Extremely stupid. Never passes tests. Manages to scrape through finals. Complains to the teachers when the popular kids tease him. Almost in the category of non-existents.. But infamous.
7. The girly girl - The dainty darling. The one who is over dramatic. Acts like the world's gonna end even if her nail breaks. Expects all the guys to comfort her when her nail breaks. Cries for the stupidest reasons. Attention-seeker.
8. The tom-boy - The girl who noone thinks of as a girl. The almost buddy girl who also has a girly side, but never shows it coz she knows she cant pull it off. Mostly has a crush on the popular kid.
9. The girl-gang - All girls only.. No boys allowed.
10. The boy-gang - All boys only.. No girls allowed.

I saw these demographics not just in high school.. but also carry-forward till post-graduation, to some extent even till my first work-place. Looks like movies are not so over-dramatized after-all.

I personally belonged to the "Invisible kids" gang. I ventured a bit into the "All girl" gang and was the friend of a popular yet nice kid.

Do drop in a comment and tell me which category you fit into :-)

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Street Kings

I decided to take my cousins out for a movie yesterday. I picked Street Kings.. for the simple reason that Keanu Reeves was in it. I fell in love with him when I saw the Matrix. What a huge mistake that turned out to be. This movie.. Street Kings.. which I for no explainable reason recal as Street Riders is a remake of some Vijaykanth movie! Not in the literal sense.. but the essence of it.. yeah!!

The hero is not a bullet-resistant, walking peace of non-penetrateable armor for cryin' out loud! He gets shot in his arm.. and manages to fight.. get punched in the 'hit' area and still survive.. wake up Mr.Reeves.. its not The Matrix! .. Its not 'your mind makes it real' anymore... it IS REAL! The guy cannot act for nuts.. he has the same deadpan expression everytime. It worked wonders in The Matrix because the character required him to do so.. which I misunderstood as good acting.. looks like he still has the hangover. Plus the person who designed his clothes in the movie is definitely gay.

The music - Have you seen Vikraman movies or Karan Johar movies? Where one song is played in variable speeds. If the junta are happy - Fast version; junta are sad - slow version. This is the same funda followed in this movie. Fast.. slow.. medium-slow..medium fast..faster..sloowwwwww.

Dialogues - This was the easiest part in the movie. There are only 2 words used - 'Fuck' and 'Shit'. Eg - What the fuck is up you mother-fucker? Mind your fucking business you fucking shit.

Cons:

• Keanu Reeves


• Dialogues


• Story (What story?)


• Screenplay


• Music


• Costumes!


• Pace of the movie


• Acting - (Forgot to mention - The guy who plays the chief or whatever.. keeps spitting. Apparently thats the way he talks.)


• What's left?

Pros:

• Keanu Reeves' car


• Detective Disco :-) He was hot!

My expert opinion - DONT WATCH! Resort to Captain Vijaykanth for better nail biting action! :-)

Girly Crap

You know.. its tough being a girl. I truly think that's an understatement by itself. I am not gonna go into sentimental bullshit.. rather I'll stick to more of the external appearance part of it. Probably delve a bit deeper into that part. Sigh.. the things we have to do to look the way we do.. however good/bad that maybe!

Waxing
How does it feel to have hot wax on your skin and have it pulled off a second later?? Not good boys.. not good at all. I wish I had my mom's genes in terms of hair growth instead of my dad's. God played a cruel joke on me.. Dont laugh at me up there!

Threading
If waxing is excruciating pain in the fast forward mode, threading is excruciating pain in slow motion. There.. that explains it.

Facial
Unlike many traveling in a/c cars.. zero exposure to sunlight people, I am not lucky. Plus I tan easily.. (this is an extension to god's cruel joke) Therefore, arises the need to do facials. This is where my mom steps in.
Mom: "I read that its good to apply ground potato on ur face"
Me: "Oh! So?? "
Mom: "So I've ground some and kept for you to apply on your face.. *Splat!!* Now keep that on for 30 mins"
Me: "Mom! It itches!!!"
Mom: "Bear with it and dont do so much drama"
Me: *Scratch Scratch*

1 day later
Mom: "X Aunty told me that cream of milk is good for your skin.. "
Me: *Showing my face*
Mom: *Splat!*
Me: "Gooey Shit!"

2 days later
*Splat!*

3 days later
*Splat!*

Splatty splatty splat!!!!!!!!!

Pedicures
Flash news: I have ugly feet.. need to get them 'cleaned' at the parlour. Atleast this is a pleasurable process.. so no problem. :-)

Nailpolish
Something I have to do to make my self look girly. Not only is the damn thing hard to apply.. it chips off in 2 days and I have to use colors to make myself look girly in different ways!

Hair care
God has blessed me with not so nice hair too. Everytime there's a stupid function I've got to sit in the parlour and let them fix my hair. 45 mins! pulling and tugging. Plus Rs.400 :-(

Scaly skin
Answer - Pumice Stone. Rubbing a stone on ur ankles and feet is not exactly fun. That too everyday!

Creams
My favorite part! Why do they have 10,000 skin creams dammit??? I dont even know what those things do! There's mosituriser, there's body lotion, there's a day cream, a night cream, there's a toner, there's cleansing milk, there's a face pack, there's a scrub, there's a hydrating cream, there's a make-up removing cream..... I dont even know the names of the rest! And I need to use these things for glowing skin.. plus there are a 1000 brands that seem the same to me! Graaaaaaaaaah!!!

Make-up
Another favorite area. Eye-liner, kajal, mascara, eye-shadow, eye-lash curler.. Do you stupid boys know how difficult it is to apply eye-liner and kajal??? Its irritating! Lipstick, lip liner, gloss, plus I have to match these colors with my stupid outfit. Foundation, concealer, blush, feels like sandpaper on my face.. too much makes me look like a plastic doll.. too less.. well whats the point??!

Footwear, Clothes, Accessories
Co-ordination.. big time must! Else .. walking fashion disaster. What do I know about fashion?? Umm.. well :-)

Allergy
I have freakin sunlight allergy! I am allergic to sunlight! Why cant I be allergic to shellfish?? Why sunlight? Which means even if its 44 degress C, I need to wear a jacket to cover my hands and neck and carry an umbrella to protect my face wherever I go. I forget one of these.. and I get these pretty looking eruptions.. all over the exposed area! Once again.. thanks for tht too god!

Bags
Fashionable or not.. Screw u.. I'll only carry a backpack.

Its sad.. that despite the fact that we hate you.. we still do all of the above and more.. Just to look good for you. Stupid boys.. I hate you all!

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I take thee as my lawfully wedded wife/husband only if.....

Marriage .. for that matter, even love has become a business dealing now. It is like one company trying to acquire another. only if conditions a,b,c .. z are satisfied. Let me list down some common criteria:

What a 'girl' necessarily wants from the 'guy'

• Guy must be from the U.S - They dont care if the recession is rampant there.. he has to be from the U.S. Not Malaysia.. not Dubai .. not Australia.. only U.S.A. Some go to the extent of saying.. he should be from New York or Chicago.. I dont like Seattle/timbuktoo because aunty next door says the malls are not good there. Soon the condition will go like this I want a guy living in California in Maple avenue.. 1st floor preferable.. in a 3 bedroom apartment.


• Guy must have a flat in the heart of the city - The girl doesnt want him to have a house.. coz that would require a lot of domestic work.. cleaning.. maintaining et all. In the heart of the city, facing the street with centralized a/c. What about the ones who have a flat which is not facing the street? Inelegible bachelors?? Tough luck boys


• Guy must be working in an IT company - Many dont even know what the expansion of IT is. Its jus something thats got to do with the computer. So if a watchman is looking out for a girl, if he is the watchman for an IT company, he is hot property. Apparently only people employed in IT companies can sustain the 'luxurious' lifestyles of these women.. whatever that means.


• Guy must earn minimum 60,000 p.m and must have onsite opportunities in plenty - So guys who earn 59,999 p.m .. you are rejected.. next time perhaps!


• Guy's mother should be dead.. and preferably no sisters - This is to avoid the problem of in-laws torture. So if your mom/sis is alive.. kill them! Else you aint getting nothing.


• Guy should have atleast 2 credit cards (one of which will land up in the girl's purse ultimately) - What if the guy has 5 credit cards and no money? So much for logic. Good luck with the card payment guys!


• Guy must have good wheels - A chauffeur driven Honda civic atleast.. it does'nt matter of she was travelling by a share auto before getting married, but travelling in anything below a Civic will harm her skin.. you know.. UV rays..tch tch.


• Guy must be able to fund overseas trips every now and then - She didnt have a passport till she got married.. but it is mandatory after marriage for pleasure trips necessarily abroad.

What a 'guy' necessarily wants from the 'girl'

• Girl should be fair - If she is dark, he would'nt be able to identify her when the sun sets.. therefore, she needs to be fair.. even of he is the color of a crow.


• Girl should be from a 'good' family - 'good' here implies a rich father-in-law, tons of property in her name and tons of dowry


• Girl's family should be supportive - This means.. if the guy is ever thrown out from his job, father-in-law must give hard cash of 20 lakhs to help him start his new business.


• Girl must be decent - She should not have any 'guy' friends.. ever! If she does, her character is tainted!


• Girl must be independent - She must be employed.. in a 9-5 job.. earn just lesser than the hubby and come back home.. cook.. clean.. everything. Basically, she must be around when he leaves work, and be back when he is back and look fresh as ever. Whereas even if his office is next door, will come back looking like a doped monkey. If by any chance she is late, she will be accused of being involved in 'unscrupulous' activities. Fair enough!

Whatever happened to working hard together and making it big?? Its all about convenience now. Enetering into nuptials with a guarantee that life will materliastically get better. I like the word spinster.. sounds nice doesn't it?? :-)

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Men give stupid excuses to act like the idiots they are! X-(

The curious case of Benjamin Button

I watched the movie last night and I liked it. The movie is pretty long.. 2 and half hours to be precise. But I think the director needed that time to fully convey the essence of the character. Every character holds some significance to Benjamin .. The woman who plays the piano, the man who gets hit by lightining, Queenie.. they all add up to his personality. The summation of their experiences makes Benjamin a better person.

The character has beautifully evolved from a child trapped in the body of an old man to an old man trapped in the body of a child. The fact that Benjamin is fully aware of his condition is reflected in his maturity when he decides to leave his wife and kid.

Pros:

• Brad Pitt..Brad Pitt..Brad Pitt..Brad Pitt..Brad Pitt..Brad Pitt..!!!! He is hot when he grows younger.. simply HOT!


• Brilliant acting by almost everyone. Even the little girl who plays Daisy.


• Good casting


• Well written dialogues.


• Interesting plot.


• Incredible make-up!! Highly applaudable.

Cons:

• Length of the movie. Which also is not a con... as I said, you need that much time to understand the character.

Oscar material for sure. I think its high time Leonardo Di Caprio and Brad Pitt win an oscar. They are highly talented actors. Plus they are deliciously hot! Next year perhaps.

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Simple movies.. that manage to leave a mark

I barely get to watch tv. Thanks to my dad and brother. In the mornings I barely have time to watch and in the evening, it is already taken by my dad. Weekends are the best. I get to watch territorial wars between my brother and my dad to get control of the precious remote. Since my dad is out of town, the TV is all mine. All mine I tell you. Mine! Mine! Mine!!! Muhahahha... Well that's only till tonight though. Sigh.

Anyways, getting back to the point. Yesterday I was watching Notting Hill starring Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant. Its such a simple and beautiful movie. Its a cliched story. But what really hit a home run was the highly well thought-off dialogues. Its so full of sarcasm, funny metaphors and well basically its my kind of subtle humor. Throughout the movie, the dialogues are so apt. None out of place.. All managing to convey the meaning perfectly. It helps you get back in touch with the romantic side in you.

Also, I like Hugh Grant's outfits.. simple pink and blue shirts that suit him sooooooo well *Drool*.

I just liked the movie so much and enjoyed it bcoz there was no 'I wanna watch the National Geographic Channel' or 'Put Sun Music' or 'Maanada Mayilada' or some unnecessary requests of that sort. The TV was all MINE :-). I was at peace.

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Delhi - 6

After watching a terrible movie like Vaaranam Aayiram (VA) from a fantastic director, I guess I thought things could not get worse. But it did! The movie that I dared to watch after VA was Delhi - 6 and damn I couldnt have made a worse choice. Vijay's movie would've been 10 times better. Now maybe that was a bit too harsh.. I take it back.. We all know nothing can be as bad as Vijay's movies :-)

The movie starts off with disconnects in the scenes which we assume will fall into place during the course of the movie which unfortunately doesnt happen even till the end credits start rolling. I felt the essence of the movie was very similar to that of Swades. But compares nothing to the original. Swades was a brilliant movie with brilliant screenplay and fantastic acting. The characters were strong and had distinct identities. Delhi - 6 has none of this.

Cons:

• Bad screenplay


• Terrible dialogues.. failed to create any impact whatsoever


• Subtle humor was intended.. turned out to be too subtle.


• Loose characters


• No coherence


• The love scenes had no depth


• Kaala bandhar was bloody overdone


• No sensible reasoning behind any of Abhishek's decisions
• I thought 'rehna tu' was a romantic song.. but it was playing even when Abhishek was talking to Rishi Kapoor or any body on the road for that matter. Am I mistaken or is this really a con??


• Whatever happened to Sonam Kapoor's dream of becoming the Indian Idol?

Pros:

• Sonam Kapoor's fresh face.

To sum it up.. the movie SUCKS! Just cannot believe its from the guy who made a movie as intense as Rang De Basanti.

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